Two days in a row I woke up extra early and worked on the yard. Today I was outside for 5 hours. Yes, five. I got the front flower bed cleared and planted flowers, which makes the yard look a billion times better, but now my body is sore and my nail beds are dirty, and all I want to do is take a hot bath and soak for a few hours uninterrupted.
As I was gardening and slowly watching the sun rise and felt the air get warmer, I got lost in my thoughts. Lost in the what-ifs and whys, the hows and the whats. I'm not going to pretend... it's been a hard week. A hard month-- really a hard Spring and Winter too. I have never had such a struggle in all of my life. Lately all of my feelings toward everything have gone unvalidated, my fault, I guess. I feel like what I have to say, or how I feel doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, which may or may not be true, but nonetheless, I've felt pretty helpless. And as my thoughts took me away, I thought about books, and then that made me think about Kurt Vonnegut, and that made me think about Slaughterhouse Five and how I was planning to read it again this weekend, and that made me think about one of the most famous lines from that book:

Just like that, those three words are delivered so effortlessly; simultaneously an acceptance and dismissal for everything. But these words so neatly encompass the point that I'm trying to reach, I guess. In other words, to be so crude and open, and please excuse me for saying but, Shit happens, and it's terribly awful, but it's also okay. It will be okay. We deal with it because we have to and those that love us will continue to love us, and those that don't, well--the world will keep turning and I won't feel like this forever. I hope and pray I don't feel like this forever. So it goes.